I should point out (because I believe I've failed to mention this before) that Dave had NEVER been inside the house until the day before the closing. He'd walked the property and peeked in the windows, but he'd never set foot inside the house. It really didn't matter what was on the inside as we were tearing the whole thing down anyway, but how weird to buy something so big that you've never really seen. The day before the closing we decided to do the customary walk-though. Usually, it is done to make sure everything is there that is supposed to be there, like dishwashers, stoves, lighting… things like that. For us, it was to make sure that nothing new was there that we didn't want, like a dead animal or a big pile of stuff that somehow, inexplicably appeared. So this was Dave's first time in the house. It was fun to walk through with him and see his reaction to all the things I'd been telling him about. Rotted wood growing mushrooms, cracked walls, bowing ceilings, warped floors, moldy everything, and the best of the best… the master bathroom shower completely enclosed with mirror. Oh what fun!
Dave then decided to explore the basement to, again, make sure there was nothing unexpected or rotting under there. If there was, it would be the real estate agent's responsibility to remove it… after the closing the next day it would be ours. So, Dave pried open the bulkhead, dug out his flashlight and ventured down the rickety steps. The agent and I stayed outside. From within the cramped, dirt-floored underground space, Dave called out, "I'm taking some pictures now, because I'M NEVER COMING DOWN HERE AGAIN!!!!"
In the basement - which is really a small dug out space under the house with no real walls - he saw what was holding up the house. Tree stumps.
The support beams had been rotted away and eaten so severely by termites that the previous owner, Mr. D., "fixed" the problem, by stuffing tree stumps under the house to hold it up.
As a regular person, I could see the many flaws of the house and understood that it was beyond repair. I knew enough to know that some new drywall and a few coats of paint would never fix the rot that was occurring to the frame of the house. But after Dave, an architect with considerable knowledge of structural integrity, saw what was going on in the basement, he was afraid the entire house could collapse at any second and wanted out of that basement as fast as possible. In fact, from that point on he didn't allow the kids to go up to the second floor anymore or allow anyone to jump too vigorously or sneeze too loudly. He was AFRAID.
It was ours the following day. And it didn't fall down for another six months. By the power of a large-clawed backhoe. Too bad a jump, sneeze or a breeze didn't do the job. It would have cost us a lot less money.
